Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
