Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
