why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
