Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
