So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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