FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
