I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my poor anus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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