oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
