I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if only i could text you this smell
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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