Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize