If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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