I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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