Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
