i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
