Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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