my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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