nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
