How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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