I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
