I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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