I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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