dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
