im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
