So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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