yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize