Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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