Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
