At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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