my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
