I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I smell stomach acid.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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