Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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