Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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