Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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