Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
