I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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