Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
