GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
