yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
