I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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