...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
