Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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