yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
