You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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