is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
