Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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