I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize