I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i used baking grease as lip gloss
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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