i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
