So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
