some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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