My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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