I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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