I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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