worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
