Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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