tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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