he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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