i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize