I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
