I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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