No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize