I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
