There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
false alarm, still single
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
