I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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