She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
