he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
