some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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