so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
