You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
