she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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