The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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