So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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