he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
