Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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