I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
