Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
