I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
