She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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